长不大的女孩

Its amazing, the last time i updated this was like one year and a bit more ago.

And the last sentence was, "Approaching 24 unwillingly."

And now here I am, ALREADY 25.

I say already, because they say when women reach 25, they start going downhill automatically.

but I liked what i said in the last post: keep myself happy.

May the Lord lift my spirits and let peace and joy descend upon me.

I find no joy in work these days, my P5s of last year have, in a flash, grown to become P6s and will take their PSLE in one month's time.

Until that is over, I cannot see the light at the end of the long tunnel.

I'm not even sure if I want to see the end of this tunnel, something inside of me tells me my girls are not ready to emerge from this tunnel victorious.  And until I have given them enough to emerge victors, I don't feel like reaching the end of the tunnel .

I dont know what to call this, a love-hate relationship?  I want the girls' major exams to be over asap (i'm so stressed i'm taking it out on anyone and everyone) and yet i dont want the exams to come that soon until my girls are fully prepared.

ah. such are the atrocities of life.

On the subject of life, I recently started thinking about what made me happy in life.

When i was 17, i wrote a short piece for an assignment titled "简单的快乐"

Pure, simple, unadulterated joy.

And me being me, joy is simply sitting down in a comfy plush chair with a good book in my hand and a caramel macchiato at my side.

I don't think i'm asking for too much.

I really want to make the trip with JH, not so much of sightseeing (i've been to hk enough to know), but to feel contented and happy beside him as we wake up early in the morning, slip into the local yum cha shop and watch the world around us slowly stirring as we sip our morning teas. 

Walking down the streets hand in hand.

Laughing at the same silly things.

Reliving childhood as we embark on amusement rides.

Thinking about it makes me smile.

So Lord help, I pray not for spitefulness nor hostility, but for grace to soften her heart, to help her find her inner peace and joy so i might find mine.

And Lord I pray, that I can make the trip this year with Jh.  You might not give it to me, but still I want to ask.  More than that, I ask for pure. unadulterated joy to enter my life again.

Joy to motivate me to do the things I want to do, joy that I can find even when i'm doing the mundane of all mundanes.

Lord I pray, let joy and peace re-enter my life.  I lift my entire life into Your hands Lord, and though the path you have set for me may wrought with rocks and stones, with You Lord I can overcome.  For if You are for me, then who can be against me?

Amen.